cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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