I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
