The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
