my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize