R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
