sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
