I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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