I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
