If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
