Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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