Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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