She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
