I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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