i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just had sex bonerless
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize