i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
