Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
