just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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