They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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