It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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