I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
