dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
