i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
