Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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