I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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