sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
