You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
