Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
