Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
