its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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