God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
