I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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