I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
