think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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