We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize