Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
