My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
