I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
