I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
