And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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