I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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