Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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