When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize