I am puke
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
