Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
