I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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