did you get engaged???
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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