We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
