Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
