I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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