He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After tacos, we're chasing women.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
