His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
