i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
