I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
