so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
handjob tips. give me some.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
