Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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