If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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