She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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