i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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