I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
