Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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