She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She's the barista slut.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize