Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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