Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
