Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it glows. i had to have it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
