I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
