The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
