I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
