He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize