About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
