yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
