I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize