my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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