I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize