saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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