when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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