Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize